Life is a never ending journey of life lessons. Life is not
something that I can predict. It is something that I know I can lead myself
into the direction I want it to go. I cannot live a perfect life, nor can
anyone plus that would be one boring life if it was perfect. All I can do is
live it to the best of my ability because nothing is ever guaranteed. I try to
make the most of each moment. With that said, I haven’t had the perfect life,
not even close but what I have learned was to take every situation I have been
in and turn it into a learning experience. It’s like what Forrest Gump says,
“Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get.” It’s
true because no one does. I have been through a lot of horrible and
unforgettable situations and I try to not let that get the best of me. One of
the most unforgettable ones that I will talk about has to do with family, more
so my mother. When I think of that I think of the saying, “You can’t choose
your parents.” I didn’t have the best mother in my case. I felt my life
everything that ever came out of her mouth was a lie. And on top of that she
could never admit if she was at fault instead she would put it on me. I grew up
believing there was something wrong with me because I always imagined a
mother/daughter relationship was to be similar to best friends but I was
completely wrong. It took many years of not understanding, blame, and grief. I
didn’t understand this until the same thing happened to my son with his father.
I discovered that it wasn’t his fault nor was it mine, it was their fault for
being so selfish not ours. We tend to blame ourselves for something that isn’t
our problem but we don’t learn that until later on in life. Before I learned
that, I grew up living my life feeling rejected, even when I wasn’t. Everything
I did, everywhere I went, people I met I always felt rejected and my whole life
became a lie.
I believe having a college education isn’t for everyone but
should have it for support and the knowledge. I know many people who are
successful and don’t have the college education. On the other hand, for me I
want and need the education to stand behind me for a few reasons. First, I want
to be successful! As I was growing up I was led to a road that didn’t allow me
to continue from high school and so I tried to be as successful as I could
without it. I didn’t get too far for that matter. Second, I experienced through
the years that not having the education didn’t help me get to where I knew I
deserved to be. I had also learned to live paycheck to paycheck and that was
not a good feeling. That made me think about how people could take vacations
and travel if they have their own families. I eventually got tired of this
stressed out feeling and something ignited within me; I didn’t know what it was. Third, I later figured out this feeling was
passion. I knew I wanted to go back to school but the ultimate questions were
WHO do I want to be, WHAT school, WHERE is the school, and HOW will this work
into my life? I already had a full plate and I felt it was going to be
impossible. When I did go back to school, I noticed how different it was from
the last time I attended which was over ten years ago and all the thoughts I
had about it. Lastly, from that, I
realized how much education is very important to me and why because it made me
look within myself and really see who I want to become.
Christopher McCandless was a well educated white guy with
parents who were well off and after he graduated from college, he decided to
live his life his own way. In the book Into
the Wild written by Jon Krakauer is a biographical story of McCandless’
life as well as the movie by Sean Penn. McCadless travels back and forth
through North America in two years and end up living in the wilderness of
Alaska. He graduates from Emory University in Atlanta Georgia. Shortly after,
he gives away all his savings of $24,000 to Oxfam, an organization to find
solutions for poverty which I find to be very ironic. He doesn’t’ tell anyone
of this plan or his whereabouts. He sets off on his journey with close to
nothing and his Datsun. He ends up in Lake Mead in Arizona and loses his car
during a flash flood. From there he hitchhikes and travels only by foot. He
changes his name and becomes Alexander Supertpramp. He first meets a hippie
couple Jan and Bob in the book and in the movie, Jan and Rainey. When he first
meets them they are going through some problems with their relationship and
McCandless somehow repairs it. He meets a man named Wayne Westerberg in South
Dakota and works for him until he gets arrested. McCandless goes back and works
for him later when he’s released. He travels through the Colorado River
illegally with a kayak and travels to Mexico. He loses his kayak in a dune
storm and heads back North to the U.S on foot. He makes his way to Los Angeles
and gets a job for a while then ends up leaving because his is not able to
accustom to society. He arrives at Slab City and runs into his hippie friends
and stays with them for a little while. When he leaves to continue his journey
to Alaska, he ends up near Salton City and camps. While his stay he meets a
retired veteran man named Ronald Franz. McCandless made a big impact on Franz
and he became close to McCandless. When McCandless sets out for his journey
again to Alaska, Franz asks him if he could adopt him. McCandless’ response was
to talk about it when he got back from Alaska. When he reaches Alaska, he
stumbles upon an abandoned bus and that becomes his home. As he starts to run
low on the supplies that he came with, he learns how tough it is to live in the
wilderness. He later tries to leave and cannot do so because there is a strong
river that he comes across that has thawed from the winter and cannot pass. He
goes back to the bus and his survival is now relied on plants and roots. He
misinterprets a plant and eats a poisonous one thus leading to his slow death
of starvation. Before he passes he writes a note saying that he lived a happy
life.
There are a few short films that will be discussed. A group
of students from Chabot College created a movie called “The Passion Project”
and it tells different point of views of each individual on passion. Passion is
what drives an individual to ones goal and this movie helps give ideas to
everyone involved in colleges to support the student to the best of one’s
ability. Another is “Growing roses in the concrete” by Jeff Duncan Andrade
which talks about students who live in poor and urban communities that are
exposed to a variety of forms of trauma. These are the type of students who
don’t perform well academically unless or until their basic needs are met.
Duncan – Andrade has become an advocate to supporting and developing to create
a stable urban community for the urban youth. In addition, a student, Jeff
Bliss, teaches a high school teacher how to teach a class because he doesn’t
agree with the way she is “teaching” her students. The aftermath, he doesn’t
receive discipline for confrontation but the teacher received two week
severance. The last video “Focusing on the lasers” is about the different types
of profiles for college students.
Society plays a major role in our lives and we are persuaded
by it. It influences whether or not we will be successful in life, our
education and whether or not we go to school or how far we will go. It
influences the amount of passion we have or are given. It challenges us to see
how strong we are and how far we are willing to go to get what we want. The
first topic is about success and the basic steps to get there. I then express
my point of view and what are the things that help me to succeed and what my setbacks are for reaching it. The elements of
passion are given along with some of the things that I am passionate about as
examples. The movie “The Passion Project” is introduced because this is what
jump started the thought and feelings of passion which lead in to the
experiences and struggles I encounter. From those experiences I learn how it’s
a blessing one can stumble upon another person and make a difference in one’s
life. I learned from the video “Growing roses in the concrete”. The way
education has changed and how it makes me feel after watching an inspiring
video about “Jeff Bliss mad at a teacher in Duncanville High”; students should
be able to critique the educational system. These tie into three intersections
for Into the Wild. The type of
student I see consider myself to be and it’s connection to watching the
“Focusing the Lasers” video. Lastly, my thoughts of a student from the passion
class looking into themselves.
Success is when one's goals are accomplished or passion
fulfilled. It can be anything there is
no limit to success. In order to get there the first step is commitment;
one has to endure it in order to get to the next step. It is the key to
success, without there would be no standard. Commitment is a frightening word
and because of it, many won’t or can’t follow through. All commitment is, is to
acknowledge and dedicate oneself. It is to show how much one can handle, the
strength of dedication. “I’ve decided I’m going to live my life for some time
now”, McCandless writes in a letter to Westerberg. Westerberg was a man who was
a friend and a boss of McCandless. He met Westerberg on his journey and worked
for him until Westerberg was arrested and went to jail. A commitment was made
to live his life the way he wanted after graduating college; the way he wanted
to with just about nothing and no brainwashing involved from society. He also
knew that his journey would be a while and he was perfectly content with that. When goals are accomplished with the
hard work put into it, the outcome is a rewarding one thus calling it success.
Success isn't something that is handed on a silver platter like inheriting
things like money, business, or property. It is not success because it has been
handed down as a gift; the one who created it had the success. Success has no
dimension, it doesn't always have to be big, could be something as small as
tying a shoe. It's when one feels like one has worked for something and felt some
type of relief and satisfaction when all is over.
The second step is achievement and doesn’t come easy all
the time. It requires patience, dedication, and hard work. It breaks down
the barriers of one’s confidence. It helps boost self esteem and give the desire
to accomplish much more. Also helps to know one by figuring out what one is
good at or what one likes or dislikes. McCandless puts in words, “Ultimate
freedom; An extremist; Aesthetic voyager whose home is the road.” He reaches
this achievement when he gets to Alaska and finds the magic bus. He carves
these words on a wooden board in remembrance of who he is and his journey up to
that point. He’s traveled through the states, met interesting people, and been
through a lot of adventure. He kayaked through the Colorado River to Mexico and
he had no experience on a kayak. He experienced what it was like to have a job.
He did what many people wouldn’t do; to live on the road with no money and
still find joy. He lived and travelled on foot. And that was just who he was.
He had so much adventure in those two years he was out. He lived the extreme
opposite of what most people are “told” to do. He travelled through a few
states which a lot of people wouldn’t get to do in their whole life. Being in
nature is great; it’s nice to not know the time and just be free to do whatever
one’s heart desires. He followed his heart. To do it for two years, that is
total commitment and achievement. For people who thought he was crazy for doing
what he did, I don’t believe that. I think they just don’t understand. He was
successful in my book, he wanted to tell his story and he did.
Lastly the results are happiness, the feeling of joy.
Happiness is a strong emotion that creates lasting memories and wants to create
more. It can be given, produced, or even shared. Happiness is healthy for the
mind and body, one’s well being. “Happiness is only real when shared,” were the
last words McCandless wrote before he died. McCandless
fulfilled his dream of ultimate freedom. He enjoyed going wherever life took
him but the real happiness he had was when he was with the people who he had
relationships with. He reflected upon his last breaths of life looking into the
cloudy sky, imagining running into his parent’s arms while smiling; meaning he
forgave them for his resentment built inside of him for many years. As he took
his last breath, the sun shone onto him. Before this, Franz express’: “When you
forgive you love and when you love God’s light shines on you.” Franz states
this to McCandless as they were sitting on the rocky hill where McCandless
first brought him. His conversation with McCandless was how he was going to
miss McCandless when he leaves for Alaska and about the problems McCandlesss
has with his parents. After his expression, the light shined on them. It is a cycle, happiness is the
result of achievement and happiness is needed to make the commitment. One
should always strive to be happy because everyone deserves it. Happiness plays
a role in our well being. Unfortunately, McCandless was alone physically and
one would think how happiness comes into play with that scenario; although he
was alone, mentally and emotionally he was with his parents then god. He was
suffering physically but he left this world a happy individual. He proved it
with a note to inform everyone who read it that he indeed had a happy life.
What helps me to succeed is my surroundings, including my
connection with positive people. I’ve come to realize the privileges I
encounter are the security within a community and that helps with the process
of success. Romeo from Passion Project reveals, “Students need to find
themselves first. As a student if you don’t know ourself, how we know what we
want in life?” One needs to figure out who one is in order to know what kind of
life to live. One cannot do that if one doesn’t know anything about oneself. It
takes deep thinking and being true to oneself. I just recently moved to Hayward
from Union City and didn’t really have good memories of Union City. So moving
to Hayward is like a fresh little mini start over. The fact I live less than
five minutes from Chabot gives me comfort to know if I ever ran into car
problems, it wouldn’t be so difficult for me to get there. Everything is
convenient and that’s what one of my “must haves”. When I lived in Union City,
I was right across from Union Landing, those who don’t know where that is, it
feels like living across from a center with it all. You name it; movie theater,
Walmart, grocery stores, restaurants, clothing stores, a bakery, cell phone
providers, banks, and more! It’s just a hop, skip, and jump away. I’m not as
spoiled here but pretty close. And I like it much better because I am not
constantly reminded of the traffic and chaos during rush hour traffic times.
The convenience of things is great help with the facts being a single mom of
two kids and a full time student. It cuts down the time of driving and more
time to my school work and kids. The amount of light coming in and scenery is
the best part. Anything that can help my mental state in any way is a plus. My
house has a good amount of natural light that comes in all day and artificial
light is on for about 3-4 hours during the summer. I love the nature look, lots
of trees and greenery makes me feel like I’m not living in such a hectic world.
It gives me some peace.
Diversity is another important thing for me to have because it
helps open my mind. Too much of one culture, I feel claustrophobic. I live in a family friendly
community and that puts my mind at ease when I feel my
oldest son or I walk our dog around
the neighborhood. From the first day we moved
in
kids were running around and many people walking
their dogs. It’s also diverse in every way. There are different races, size of
family, age range, and cars; I only say that because it gives a ballpark figure
as to how much income is made. Meeting people who have different backgrounds is
always intriguing to me. Learning new things about their culture and trying to
understand their lifestyle is what makes meeting people fun. Emily from The
passion Project mentions, “Learning about other cultures, other ideas, other
people, learning in general is like a passion to me.” The more one learns in
general is a beautiful thing. It expands the mind teaching it to add more
dimensions. Learning is a passion because once it’s no longer doing so life
begins to feel dull and boring. One begins to feel so comfortable in ones world
the mind begins to shut down. Learning is good exercise for the brain creating
more flexibility and stamina. Once a relationship with a neighbor forms into
more than just an acquaintance, I feel more comfortable because the neighbors
begin to feel more like family, which leads to feeling more secure with your
home. It is also a good way to learn more about myself. It will bring things
that I had never known about suddenly appear and I automatically learn
something. It helps to learn more of who I am. It’s like a small piece of a
thousand piece puzzle connecting to what is already put together. Life is one
big puzzle; one has to find the different pieces and put it together to see
what the beautiful work of art is. I would have never thought I would feel as comfortable as
I am living here.
My family now is
the main reason other than myself that is helping me succeed. My boyfriend is
like my backbone, he supports and encourages me to the fullest and that’s how I
stand tall. Given all the things mentioned earlier about my past family, he is
the reason why I say family. He has shown me a whole new world and that my past
is my past. This is the kind of family I dreamt a family should be. Family
should be supportive in anything one wants to do, even they don’t approve,
especially if they think one isn’t very good at it. Family should be one’s
biggest cheerleader. Family should love unconditionally. “People want a family;
community is family you know where we come together, we meet, we hang out. It
helped me see a bigger picture see the bigger that it’s not all about me”, adds
Emily from Passion Project. Family can be anyone who is always supportive and
has unconditional love. They don’t always have to be blood related; they could
be neighbors, friends, teachers, co workers, or students. The feeling of family
lets one know that it’s not just about one, it’s about everyone. It’s brings
togetherness. My boyfriend and I’s parents help by providing childcare for my
youngest son who is almost three years old. That alone is where a good chunk of
my support goes. A growing child needs a lot of attention and most of the time
I am not able to provide that with my work load. Convenience to parent’s house
and school is a big positive for sure. I also try to take this opportunity of
me being in school to show my oldest son that anything can happen if you have
enough passion and support from family.
The instructors that I have met and made relationships with
made a huge impact on me. I can feel comfortable knowing I can come to them if
I ever have a question or need help. I’ve experienced a lot of life for me to
know that school is something that I need to do in order for me to feel good
about myself and to help guide me to where I want to be; I would feel more
secure with a degree and experience. I never felt I “successfully” went far
enough for me to feel like I succeeded on my own terms. From all that my
negative experiences are what pushes me to success. Ray from The Passion
Project reveals, “If a teacher can be motivational we can we can we can feel
successful even after failing.” A teacher who can help steer the student in the
right direction with confidence and understanding, helps to create that student
to be a stronger person so even when there is failure, the student won’t feel
withdrawn. Teachers have big impacts whether positive or negative because they
spend a good amount of time with their students through the year or semester. These
instructors have taught me more about the possibilities in life and brought out
things in me that I was scared of. One of them inspired me to be more in tune
with myself when writing papers because she said, “she sees a writer in me” and
I catch that to be a little scary because I do want to write a book one day.
She also told me to write the way talk because in the past I would write something
totally different. It would be hard for me to write and I would always have writer’s
blockage. When I would explain to her a part of my paper that she didn’t
understand, she would make me tell her, then say that’s what I should put down
instead. Another piece of advice was to record myself and then write it. She
helped bring out a passion of me that I never knew I was so passionate about;
just by doing a project and sharing it with the class. She was a very positive
person and helped prove a lot of the doubt I had in myself about writing when I
was in high school. I learned that I do find joy in writing; I find it to be therapeutic.
I will never forget and thank her for that. At the end of the semester I gave
her a mug of a smiley face representing our topic for that semester which was
happiness as a token of my appreciation.
Things that prevent me from success now are more personal
issues that I have within myself and a constant battle of being the head of the
household. It’s hard at times for me to realize I am a full time student who is
not working and has two kids. This is the first time in fifteen years I have no
income and don’t know how to deal with it at times. I’m so used to working that
now in school I can’t buy the “luxuries” that me or my kids want and I know
that is a sacrifice I have to make. I have to constantly tell myself that if I
continue to stay focused, the quicker I can finish school and start my new
life, the one that I always see myself having. Then I could start buying things
of my kids that I could never get before; even better! I’d rather sacrifice the
time I have now for the next couple years rather than the rest of my life. I
don’t want to go down that road again because that was no fun. They may not
understand why I’m doing this now but as they get older hopefully they will
realize that I wasn’t doing it to be selfish, it was for all of us to benefit
from it.
I have a history of migraines which gets in the
way of my daily life, unfortunately. I don’t know what the cause is but it’s
really bad when I do get them can last for weeks if not treated correctly,
immediately. When it does get bad the room spins, I get nauseated, sensitive to
light, sound, smell, and taste. I end up missing class and fall behind which is
never a good thing. When I do force myself to go, I can’t even concentrate
because the pain is so excruciating. I try to not let that be a reason for me
to fall behind because I know how hard it is to catch up. I am constantly on my
toes to respond to any kind of little headache that arrives. I keep a
decorative mini pill box with me in my purse so I can respond to almost
anything that can affect me mentally. I call it my mini traveling pharmacy. I
think it’s really sad but if it’s something that is necessary, than can’t
complain. The best that I can do is to treat it the moment I know it’s starting.
Another challenge is my condition that I have, I have to
keep it in check by taking medication every day, seeing a therapist weekly, seeing
a psychiatrist monthly- bi montly, and make sure I have a daily routine or else
I can fall into a relapse. And that is not good; it affects not just me but
everyone and everything around me. The main and worse part of this are the mood
swings, it really is an emotional rollercoaster. The only difference is you
can’t tell what mood I will be in because anything can set it off and don’t
know how long these emotions will last. I do know my cycle and it starts off
with me feeling “normal” then total rage and then total depression/ sometimes
suicidal. It is really scary for me because I am the complete opposite of who I
am today. I have changed almost everything in my life to stay away from
anything I know that can trigger it. Basically, I got rid of a lot of my old
friends which led to changing my surroundings and the bar scene and drugs was
something I did not want to do and see myself do the rest of my life. And that
led to smoking which I have done for about fifteen years and you get the
picture; total domino effect. This is the reason why I need to see a therapist
weekly; it helps clear my thoughts and feelings and what I want not what the
condition wants. I lived my life of the condition for more than half my life
it’s my turn to live my life for myself.
If it wasn’t for these issues, I would have nothing to push
me to move forward; nothing to make me passionate of what I am at this moment.
All of these issues made me learn many things and it made me become the person
I am today. As much as issues may be a bad thing and they are when going
through it but if the result is something that was learned, it’s a blessing.
That’s when one can look at the glass of water and say it’s half full. Issues
or problems: the more one has and can get through it, the stronger one’s mind
will be. The choices that I’ve made lead me to this point and for that I am
grateful. It is a constant reminder to me why I need to do this; why I need to
go to school and get a degree and why I want to do what I love doing. I look at
other people who do what they do to get money or benefits and they are the ones
who are always unhappy. I know deep in my heart that I am NOT going to be those
people. I don’t think that I would have the same passion I have now if I
attended college at the time I was supposed to. I believe this is the path I’m
supposed to take, even if it is later than what is “expected” of society. It’s
the choices that I have made, make, the way I learn from it, and how I view
life is how I will succeed or fail. Every time I catch myself in a tough
situation and feel like I can’t do it, I think of the advice that one of my professors
said to me: I am the one that creates road blocks for myself, not anyone else.
In order to have passion, one needs self identity. With
self identity, one is being oneself and not another. It is to know who one is
and accept it with no boundaries. It is hard to find but one must be willing to
have the courage to go on the journey to find oneself. Self identity is what
makes everyone different, unique. "In order to love life you have to find your
passion; you have to find what truly makes you happy and when you find what
truly makes you happy you gottta chase after it; you gotta take those
risks," Ray
illustrates from the Passion Project. One must be willing to take risks because
that is how one finds out what one likes or doesn't like. Once one finds or
realizes what one likes and if it makes one happy, one should go after it. When
passions are found and being lived, life becomes rainbow; it's bright with
different of colors, and sometimes may not find the end of it. There could
also be a pot of gold. I one hundred percent believe what Ray said because how
can you chase a dream if you don't know what it is? And how could you chase a
dream if you don't know if you're even in it? You have to get to know yourself
and learn all you can about yourself before having passion about something or
someone. Once you have that passion, skies the limit from that point. No one
can stop you but yourself. Tiffany mentions: "What you take in like it kinda like it
shapes you, it molds you, like it defines you." What the mind takes
in, one's body will react thus giving it a place of memory. When it's implanted
in the memory one slowly continues to react molding into one, defining one.
I had always lived for other people like my mom, passed boyfriends,
aunts, uncles, friends etc. I thought that if I was who they wanted me to be, I
would be loved and accepted. I was just fooling myself in every way. Becoming a
different person for other people is exhausting and I knew I didn't want to
live that the rest of my life.
Self identity wouldn't be around if it weren't for love.
Love is the root for passion. Love is a warm feeling, deep affection/passion,
unconditional, and a strong connection. It can also be an intricate thing.
Without it one would live life alone thus creating an unhappy life. "The more passionate or the more that you
love something, the more you learn from it because you're you're I guess you're
separating yourself. You're having like an outer body experience and you it's
like a reflection almost like wow this is so beautiful I want to do this
forever," comments Karina. The more love or passion increases,
trust increases and that leads to exploring. When one learns, one reflects upon
it and it feels like one is looking from the outside in; it is so beautiful
that one wants to continue doing this."And as long as one is true to oneself then one can love
unconditionally. Like you can accept people unconditionally because you're not
worried about what people think of you," Samira points out. Being true to
oneself and continuing to do so creates more love and self identity; it equals
acceptance. Once that is mastered, one can love others without any limits. This
is what I have been working on and figuring out most of my life. And I often
wondered why I was so unhappy going through life. I have been and am currently
working on this and it's a tough one to conquer but I know it's something I
need to try and overcome. What I have learned from that was you can't please
the whole world. And you can't please the world or anyone in that case if you
don't have love for yourself. Love is very powerful and shouldn't be
underestimated because it can take you anywhere and make you do anything.
An open mind comes from privilege. Having an open mind is
being open to new ideas or not to be prejudice. Having a closed mind is to be
prejudice which leads to racism. New ideas bring more understanding. Andrew
puts it, "I was exposed to
new things and how some people you know view their world basically. So it's
helped me you know get an understanding of of what, you know, how other people
think." Exposure to different things isn't always a bad thing. One
starts to see things in a new light and realizes it's not just about one
person, it's about everyone. Learning a variety of things from different people
help open a mind. One can learn about culture, language, food, religion, traditions,
and how one view. On the other hand, Ray comments: "Without talking to students without getting to know them you know I
have closed doors. I can't I can't pursue what I want to do, and so just
getting comfortable with everybody around you knowing people in general opens
all these doors of possibilities that leads to, that leads to many different
possibilities." One can't always do everything alone. People
need each other to survive in this country. With that said, the more people
that are exposed to one, there is more chance of opportunities that will become
available. I think with an open mind, it's already half of the battle. I think
that's the hardest part to overcome because it's letting yourself know you are
going into the unknown, which is outside of the box. For me to have an open
mind was to not believe all the harsh comments said about me all through high
school, the most popular one was that I “got around” . The other was to believe
in love because I never saw it. In addition, my mind was to learn to be a
leader and not a follower; be myself even if that meant more harsh words, and
love to myself for me because I am a good person and hopefully there will be someone
who will love me for me. That doesn't happen until a little over a decade
later! Good does come out of it, I promise. It takes a lot stepping out of
boundaries to get there and it's not easy. If not for this recipe, along with
support and endurance, I wouldn't be where I am today. And where I am today is
somewhere I would have never thought I would get to. And the exact
reason why I wouldn't let someone, including myself take it away from me.
Some of the things I am passionate about: My family and friends,
American Sign Language, writing, music, and life in general; to always move forward no matter what. Watching
this movie, “Passion Project” brought out many thoughts and feelings. I looked
back and it made me rethink of the reason why I am attending school and brought
some spark back. The reason I am attending school is because the opportunity
was taken from me when I was 17 years old by my mom. I made many mistakes
because if all the rebelling I did and ended up getting dropped from school.
The only way for me to go back was for my mom to fill out paperwork that was
given to me and which she had all the answers to. When I asked her, she refused
to and said what would the point be? So from that point, I started looking for
jobs. And the jobs I had were all minimum wage jobs. The only time I made more
was by working up the ladder. As the result of all my rebelling, I was a single
mother who raised my son for about eleven years on my own. The journey for me
to get to this point has been a wild and crazy one. It has also reminded me why
I won't give up. Every time I do feel like giving up, I think about the hard
life I lived along with my kids and it puts me back in place. I need to prove
to myself and my show my mom that I can do it no matter what someone says. Now
that I found my passions, why put it aside and act like life can be better
without it?
I think of myself as a shy person, others think different.
The feelings I get when I'm in school, makes me close up and I automatically
think I'm stupid because kids in high school were mean and it seemed like
almost everyone hated me back then and I never knew why. When an instructor asks
me a question in front of the class, I blank out and my answer is "I
dunno" because I don't want to hear the laughter from others if my answer
is wrong. And I think all the rejection I received from my mom intensified it
because all that pops up in my head is: “what’s the point”? I'm currently
trying to figure out a way for me to overcome this and I have had good
conversations with some instructors on this; I continue to try. I am learning
through my instructors and friends I have made this year that I am not stupid
and that is helping me overcome this. I’ve learned that I’m not a shy person; I
am afraid of the feeling of rejection.
Many times through the movie, The Passion Project, I felt
like crying but retained myself from doing so because when it starts, there's
no stopping it. People who can make a movie about their hardships through
college are awesome role models to let the people watching that they’re not the
only ones who feel what they are feeling; and different strategies help make
the experience a not so terrible one. There is not one person here that is
alone and will go through school alone unless one lets it happen. There is
always going to be at least one person in the same school that could relate.
One just has to be honest with oneself and do what feels right. There are
people here who want to help others and Chabot is a safe environment to be in.
Many of the things that was being said, I could relate to because I'm going
through it now or have been through. I too, am trying to figure things out
about myself and remembering as I go; for example the things that I did like or
want to become when I was younger. I am going after what I am passionate about
and not letting people who don't understand why get in the way because the fact
it may or may not pay a lot of money. I always believed that one should do what
makes one happy and not for someone else or what makes the most money.
I will continue to learn about myself and won't give up
because I was an unhappy person for a long enough time to know I don't want to
ever live like that again. This all changed when I started to live for myself
and not others because at the end of the day it's me that takes care of me, not
anyone else; it's me that has the thoughts and feelings, not anyone else and
it's me living my life, not anyone else. For this reason, it gives me the
reassurance that it's OK to make mistakes or fail. Somewhere in all of this, I
put aside who I truly am. I felt that if I were to be myself and have the
truckers mouth that I do, an instructor or student would read a paper of mine
and think that I didn't really write that. A cousin of mine told me she knows
instructors who are like that but can still be professional and are really
smart. She enjoys their company because they are smart and still laid back. I
learned that hiding myself doesn't make me a happy person. I didn't realize it
until last week in class while in working in groups, I playfully and
accidentally called someone a bitch and apologized. She laughed and said it was
OK but I was too busy thinking: I can't believe I said that because parts of
the "real" me is coming out. I must say, it did feel good! To be me
and not that I said what I said. There was something that made me feel
comfortable around her. Ray confirms, “When you start getting comfortable with
yourself, you can you can start you know you can start coming outside of the
box.”
I have made a few relationships with people in these last
three semesters, including instructors. These people all have made an impact in
my life and I am thankful to have met them. I never thought instructors would
want to know and help you if you let them, especially with all the students
they have. They are great resources and can be great mentors, not to mention
great friends because they do want
you to succeed and give you
encouragement and reassurance to be
you. “The teacher’s job in instilling passion and I’ve had several teacher’s
who’ve done that, is constant communication with the students, constant
reassurance,” Emily from Passion Project affirms. Constant is to be persistent
with something which becomes instilling. As long as a teacher can be persistent
with the student, it’s instilling in the student’s brain that anything is
possible if you believe. They become similar to a life coach. They should
always try to make a good impact with their students. I had an instructor that told me to not be so
hard on myself with my expectations. If I can’t get all A’s or B’s, I should be
proud. And all that matters is that I try my hardest to understand the subject
and ask for help if I don’t. This is important to me because I value their
opinions. I trust they would not lie to me because it is my education and my
future. Anything kind of constructive criticism they give me, I take serious
and try to imply it going forward and it helps a lot. They have become my
support system and I will be sad to not see them as often as I do when I
transfer in the spring. I know they are a click away. The first person I made
friends with was such a sweet person. I was in complete shock when a girl came
up to me and just started making conversation before our class started. I
thought this was nothing like when I was in high school. She introduced herself
and she helped me learn my alphabet in ASL. She always had a smile on her face
when she would say hi. We helped each other through class and because of our
bond I look at her as my little sister and I as her big sister; what we don’t
have in our own family.
The two struggles I have noticed about myself the most
since I started college is PTSD and my self confidence. PTSD is post traumatic
stress disorder and is caused from extreme emotional trauma. The common events
that can cause this are from domestic abuse, car accidents, rape, assault,
natural disasters, and/ or war. Symptoms that come with this are anxiety,
tension, avoidance, stress, reliving the situations such as flashbacks of the
event or uncomfortable reactions when reminded of the event to name a couple.
Another is guilt from surviving the event. These are a few type of symptoms.
Unfortunately, I am a victim to half of these mentioned. It took me a while to
figure out how to deal with this; I now have a support system that seems to be
growing slowly but surely. And that helps A LOT. This was a hard thing for me
to do when I was in high school and I wondered why that was; I also suffered
from a disorder, manic depression (a.k.a. bi polar) and that screwed me up real
bad with school, work, relationships, and myself. I have been stable for about
6 years now. As Romeo says, "Problems there are always problems we
face. We can learn from it and rebuild our life and making better choices."
True, there are always going to be problems that pop up all throughout life,
it's inevitable. Hopefully one can learn from the problem to not make the same
mistake again in the future. Or learn how to deal with the problem if it shall
present itself and then make better choices. "Alleviating that stress. It doesn't
change what's going on outside of you it but it starts it slowly will start to
change how you deal with it. Knowing that I can come here everyday; it's a safe
environment. I can do what I need to do," Samira affirms. To lessen
the stress; whatever happens on the outside, it won't change. Knowing that
coming to Chabot everyday, it is a safe environment. With a safe environment,
it's easier for one to take care of what they need to at school.
With my first struggle, it partially relates to my mom
because as I was growing up, we never did get along and she was a negative
Nancy towards me all the time. It seemed as if all that ever came out of her
mouth towards me was dismissive. What affected me the most was that she called
me a whore and blamed me for her divorce with my father; when in fact she was
having an affair on my dad, had a child with this other guy. When he was born,
my dad and I were the ones to raise him. My dad knew the whole time it wasn't
his and I figured it out when she gave birth because he came out very light
skinned with light brown hair... and we're filipino! I don't know if there are
albino Filipinos... She continued having her relationship with this guy until
she divorced my dad (about 8 years later). They were still living together,
sleeping on the same bed and acted like nothing was wrong. How does this become
my fault? The divorce affected me more than I thought and screwed me up because
my dad didn't want me to live with him and told me to live with her. I felt
like both of my parents didn't want me. When I lived with my dad, he ignored me
all the while I was raising my kid on my own. As for my mom, it's as if she
resents me; I could never figure out why. What I learned from this is that I
didn’t know what the feeling I inherited was until recently. That feeling was
burden. It made things make more sense to me; why I sometimes don’t like to ask
for help, I do most things on my own, and depend only on myself. I also learned
that it’s unhealthy to do things alone; it creates an extreme amount of stress
and become lonely.
When I was younger, she always told me who I needed to
become, it was the typical doctor or a nurse because it paid good money. So
instead of asking "what do you want to be when you grow up, it's what kind
of doctor do you want to be when you grow up?" I was trained to believe I
wanted to be a pediatrician for the fact that I was pretty much raised all my
younger cousins and younger brother at the time. Seemed like if I don't become
that, I am a failure; to her and my family. I knew that was something I didn't
want to do. As I grew up, I would talk about all the different careers I wanted
to do. They were all never good enough. When I told my mom recently how I want
to interpret sign language, first response was, "oh, do they make good
money?" She didn't sound too thrilled. After the fact she wouldn't help me
go back to school, I never told her I went to school to get my G.E.D. and
received it. I told her after, again, she didn't sound happy. I always hear her
telling me, "You can't do it you're not going to be anybody. You can't
even finish high school!" So every time I feel I'm moving forward, making
a change in my life, I hear her. The first day I came to Chabot to take the
assessment, I had a breakdown in the parking lot and didn't leave until about
an hour later after I calmed down. I was too afraid to go back after that day.
The second day I returned, I had my boyfriend come with me to support me. He
was the one that made me go back, otherwise I wouldn't have. Then the first day
of Fall semester, I was going to have another breakdown while going to class
but everyone that I passed, smiled at me. That gave me comfort in knowing that
I could get through my first day. I recently figured that I have lived most of
my life without her. I should just continue to do that because when I do let
her in, all she brings me is pain as if she doesn't want me to succeed. As the
result, I can and will do it without her.
The other struggle I deal with is my self confidence.
Confidence is having full on trust in one self or assurance. It is also to
believe in one or one's abilities or judgments. It is an important trait to
have because it is needed in everything one does. Many people suffer from this.
For ones that cannot or do not find it struggle with becoming successful in
life. "We are definitely scared to make mistakes in the classroom
because it's embarrassing," Ray
expresses. When one is embarrassed from making a mistake, it makes one feel
withdrawn or extremely uncomfortable it makes one feel self-conscious. Fear to
not be or look like one knows, feels rejected. When one feels rejected, one
doesn't know what other people are thinking or saying to other people. If one
knows the audience, it's creates less tension because they are already
acquainted. The way I take action to overcome this is to continue to add to my
support system, for example, make more friends, talk to instructors through
small talk or conferences. Emily claims, "The teacher's job is instilling
passion and I've had several teacher's who've done that, is constant
communication with the students, constant reassurance." A teacher
is to give knowledge or help build skill and encourage it. A teacher is with a
student sometimes more than their own parents. For that, they help create the
safe and comfortable environment that may not be there at home. If a teacher is
passionate about their work, they become the student's cheerleader. Once the
bond is there, it never leaves one and becomes part of one's step forward in
life.
My first semester was the hardest to deal with but it has
become better with the actions I am making. Since I've been told how worthless
I was for a good fifteen years from not only my mom, aunts, and guys I've dated
it's a difficult mentality to break away from; it's just like an addiction.
I've been also told that I wouldn't make a good mother and I would never have
long time friends who would want to be involved with me. The sad part of it all
is that when you hear it constantly over and over, you believe it. So as crazy
as it may sound, I struggle with every assignment that I am given. I am always
stressing out that it's not good enough so I have to keep pushing myself.
If/when I get a good grade, I'm happy but I can't get myself to believe or
accept that I'm not what my mom said about me. I am afraid that if I don't get
a good grade on anything, I am what she says. I have become a failure which
means I'm not going to be good at anything and I'll have to go back to the hard
life. When I go back to the hard life, I will be a bad mother because all I
would be doing is working just to provide and not having the time to be with
them, watch them grow. Looking on the brighter side, the friends that I have
made here, they have always been supportive when I ask for the help or not.
They are a great addition to my support system. Or something as simple as a
smile or a "hi", always reassures me that I am going to be OK, from
friends or just anyone in general. Talking to instructors are equally on the
same level as my friends, if not a little more. Just being able to talk about
school work, homework, what I need to work on, or just life helps boost me. An
older (and wiser) instructor from myself giving me positive feedback with or
without constructive criticism gives me comfort. It slowly fills the void of
assurance as bad as that may sound but it’s a good thing because I should be
listening to someone that constantly sees my work rather than
someone just seeing or hearing it once in a while. I haven't interacted with
one instructor that has been negative.
It's powerful how one person can change another's life. The
power of words followed through with actions, it shows that we do need each
other; to help grow as an individual and a group/community. Giving a little
more love to children, especially the ones that are visible of struggling in
some way can help encourage them to the right path. The people who struggle
just need to know that one does matter and are worth something. They are our
future. This type of behavior happens during the teenage years when hormones
are raging out of control that feelings and emotions become overwhelming and
don't know what to do. Without the support through this stage for whatever the
reason may be, one gives up on oneself and becomes angry. One begins to do
inappropriate things that will catch others attention. One can start using
drugs to numb the pain and/or makes the thoughts go away. Sometimes it can
backfire and create more rage or come back into reality and feel the pain more
intensely. It's just like the phrase "misery loves company". On the
flip side, if there is someone that sticks around, it helps clear the path to
one's goal or passion, no matter what happens outside of class. It may even
encourage one to be more involved in school and turn that time working on
oneself or others. School should always be a safe zone for students. The more
involvement in school, the more they learn about themselves and know they can
make a difference.
This brings back memories and takes me back when I was in high
school. I tried to be involved in school by joining in a club called,
"Club Vogue" and was a part of choir since middle school so I
couldn’t stay after school to be a part of it. I was taken away from this to
watch my little brother and cousins after school during the week. This happened
to be my outlet from home and school during hours of operation. Eventually I
felt trapped so I started skipping school to go to the mall or S.F. with some
of my friends or boyfriend(s). As time went on, I ran away from home and be
gone for days at a time which turned into weeks. During those weeks when I
wasn't home, I was out getting high on different types of drugs. Fast forward
ten years, I got clean, went back to school and my first semester here changed
my life. What did it was when my instructors made it mandatory to meet with
them two times in the semester. I learned many things about myself and created
friendships. I was even surprised to learn certain things from instructors I
would have never thought. I heard it's up to the students to make the
initiative to make the appointments to talk with instructors but I have noticed
that the instructors that make students are the ones more involved in school
and that’s how you can tell that's their passion. Their passion will rub off
only if one is willing to meet halfway and have an open mind.
The way education is currently makes me mad at how it has
dropped over the years. During the depression, teachers should have been the
last to get cut. I remember when I was a kid and went to school, I took a
school bus to school and back home, the whole K-12, presently one has to take
the city bus. All schools in the city were open from all the kids that
attended. Now at least half of the schools are closed, leaving teachers with
30-40 students, I remember 20. Overall the educational system is totally
screwed up. Jeff Andrade puts it into these words, “Now the problem with the
educational system that we have in this country today is that it’s based on a
model of rugged individualism.” Maybe the reason why some teachers act the way
they do is because they're stressed out because they have to work how many part
time jobs commuting from one end of the bay area to the other. I do commend the
ones that have the passion and is still burning within and making that extra
effort to watch their students grow. Poverty has grown over the last couple
decades in a lot of cities throughout. Hopefully these students now come back
and help the community into which they were from. It's needed everywhere,
especially Oakland. And I believe that when money is there, we as a county
should help improve their city and give their kids the education they deserve.
Everyone should be given the same opportunity, no more, no less. But in
reality, unfortunately, it's not like that. We need more people like Andrade to
speak and travel through different schools and spread the word because it is
much needed.
It's only fair that students should critique education
because they are the ones that are the ones that are living it in that moment
in time. With the experiences they are going through, why not give their
opinions on what they are thinking, whether it's good or bad. People that are
in the education field should want to know what students think in order to make
it better for future students. I feel that education is about learning so why
should it just be the students who learn and no one else. How are things going
to move forward if the people in education are closed minded? If that's how it
ends up being then education won't go very far. Everything changes constantly
and education should somewhat tailor to it's students. The way education was 20
years ago is not going to teach people who were born 10 years ago. Lifestyles
have changed drastically over 20 years. Just because teachers are teachers or
have degrees doesn't mean they are better than their students. They need to be
willing to learn from them and everyone else as well or they will not be able
to grow themselves. Learning from colleagues or students will improve their
teaching, views, and personality. And that will be what makes them the
"cool" ones! They continue to keep open minds and not look at it like
power, more like privilege. If there is ever an opportunity to give any kid of
feedback or your opinion on anything, take it because your opinion matters more
than you know. It does make a difference! And if you don't give your opinion on
something you could have and things don't turn out the way you expected, you
have no reason to complain. Plain and simple.
Privilege is one of the intersections from this book.
Privilege comes in many forms, In this case, McCandless is a privileged white kid by having
wealthy parents who can afford to pay for a University or buy him a new car.
Not everyone has the luxury to attend a University straight after high school
due to financial reasons. Many people who can't afford it usually would go to a
junior college for a couple years first and then go to a four year college like
the one McCandless went to. To have a car on top of that is something not even
thought of at that point. "Indeed Chris had only recently upbraided Walt
and Billie for expressing their desire to buy him a new car as graduation
present and offering to pay for law school if there wasn't enough money left in
his college fund to cover it (20)." He was already perfectly content with
the car he already had and didn't want to give that up. His parents wanted him
to have a car that was more “reliable” than the Datsun he currently was driving
if he went to Harvard Law or anywhere else in that sense. As for the school,
they wanted to support his education by paying the balance that was to be left
over from after his college fund. In the "Breadgivers", Sara didn't
have privilege, she had to rebel and go against everything in her life to get a
college education. Sara had to work while going through school and had her
transportation was her feet. The Laramie Project, Shepard had privilege to
attend the Univerisity, he was also a man just like McCandless as well as white
men who tend to be more privileged than the rest of the people. Sara on the
other hand was a foreigner woman who had to experience all the hardships; the
complete opposite of Shepard and McCandless as far as education.
Independence is a crucial trait that also intersects.
Unfortunately, two out of the three books end in death but during their lives,
they lived it to the fullest. One who claims independence needs to be strong
willed for there are many obstacles that come along with it. Once the
independence is there, it is the greatest victory one can have. People strive
to have this all throughout the world and many of them will never know what it
feels like to have it. The best way to describe it would be customized freedom
for any individual since everyone's different because of the lives they live. "He
intended to invent an utterly new life for himself, one in which he would be
free to wallow in unfiltered experience (23)." McCandless was independent
because he didn't want to be brainwashed by society, he wanted to be his own,
wanted to start from the ground up. He already fulfilled the expectations of
life that his parents and society wanted. He knew what it was like to be like
everyone else. It was time to be who he yearned to be, even if other people
couldn’t understand that. Sara was independent in many ways; she disobeyed her
entire culture and men, including her father. Shepard claimed his independence
by telling everyone he met that he was gay; proudly. Independence tells a lot
about a person and the kind of courage one has as well as determination. It’s a
shame that people who become it get judged for it and pay the consequences.
Passion in life to follow one's dreams is the most
acquirable of all. It gives life life. Although the two people who died living
their passion, no matter the situation, they can reflect upon their life and
not have too much regret because they lived the life they wanted. It may have
not been what others would appreciate or understand but that doesn't matter. One’s
passion might unknowingly lead to death but in the end, one would probably say
it was worth it. "Unlike most of us, he was the sort of person who
insisted on living out his beliefs (67)." Mrs. Westerberg, Wayne’s mother,
thought there was something about McCandless that was fascinating. He always
demanded to know more about what she would say to him. He always wanted to
learn more and asked many questions. She enjoyed his company and they talked a
lot about books and Mark Twain. McCandless loved reading and had his favorite
authors. He brought books with him to Alaska and they became part of him. He wasn’t
afraid to learn anything. He was very much in tuned with himself and befriended
it, others may become scared and ignore it rather than appreciate it.
This was an
incredible video to watch about a student who was mad at his teacher and spoke
up. I applaud Bliss for the way he stood up in front of the "teacher"
like that and said what he felt. My first thought after I was in shock was that
I worried that he would’ve been punished for speaking to an authority figure by
doubting her skills and disrespecting her in front of the class. I can't
imagine what the punishment would be; suspension or expulsion? I found it
difficult to disrespect an elder because that is how I was taught. Punishment
for not obeying would be a slap on the mouth or hit with a belt (it wasn't
considered abuse back then). To do it to higher authority, people of education?
Shoot, I was scared straight. No way would I have done that. If I was to have
done that and got in trouble, I would’ve gotten the belt when I got home,
that’s for sure. Then I thought, oh my gosh, that is one ballsy guy. Good for him
for speaking up for himself and for others. Thankfully, I followed up on this
video and found he did not get punished for speaking his mind. The teacher on
the other hand did received paid administration leave, whatever that means.
Must be the privilege of where she's from or being a teacher. The next day he
went to school, everyone was screaming his name and giving him high fives; he
was a celebrity. He changed lives the moment he said those words. For him to
have the privilege to say that and with passion, tells other students everywhere
it's OK to speak your mind and stand up for what's right. What Bliss says is
true. Students can't learn just by packets. Students need interaction, to speak
their thoughts and feelings and to hear others. One can read something over and
over and may never understand what it is one has to learn just by their self.
It would be saying "The blind leading the blind." It's very difficult
to see that happen. But hearing someone say the text, just by the sound of the
emotion behind it makes all the difference. How we can have a future if the
students now are not being taught to free their minds and know they can make a
difference no matter what they do? This is a free country we have the right to
speak our minds. Why does educational system make us feel like we are not
privileged to speak our minds to them about them? But it's OK for us to do it
anywhere else?
I consider myself to be a “seeker” student which is taking
my GE classes and basic skills while having it under control. When I first
registered here, I knew what I wanted to do when I took my first ASL class.
When I registered, I thought there was a sign language program for me to get an
AA in but later found the Ohlone College has the program that I am looking for.
So I was sad to know I had to transfer and “start all over” in another school
right when I was getting comfortable here. Since I wasn’t ready to leave right
away, I looked for classes here until I no longer can take one due to my
program, so G.E. classes it is until the fall. I didn’t really know what
classes to take in the beginning but had an idea from that pink AA paper that
was given during orientation. I met with a counselor in the spring semester to
make sure my classes were transferable or if there could be another route for
me to stay here but there wasn’t. I’ve been procrastinating to meet with a
counselor at Ohlone and know I have to A.S.A.P. or I’ll get screwed with
everything during the transfer. All the instructors I’ve had were great and
helpful so it made me surprised when I found out the transfer rate here is low.
As far as the way I feel about being a seeker student, I am happy with where
I’m at. This is only my third semester and I feel like I’ve made a lot of
progress from the beginning. I am working towards being a “laser” student
because as the latino girl at the end says, “I’m focused, focused on what I
want. I’m scared to fail. I don’t like wasting my time so that’s why I always
like do my best and try to spend my time in like a good way.” And that is
EXACTLY how I feel. I feel too old to be taking my time getting a degree. And
in order for me to get it is to transfer after fall semester. I am more focused
than ever and this would not be me if I attended school at the “normal” age. I
would’ve for sure been a wonderer and drop out the first semester.
A student looking into themselves from a passion class
should do that because it pushes them to look into themselves and discover more
about them if they really try. Everyone gets so caught up in this busy
lifestyle society has created for us that we forget to focus on ourselves.
Having a class that allows you to do that is a great benefit! It will also
teach you how to be more willing to focus on yourself which ends up being a
great thing in the long run. Some people may think it's a stupid thing to do in
the class but it's because they are not willing to dig deep within themselves
which often times mean there is something that has been tucked away and doesn't
want it to reach the surface. If you think about it, if one keeps it buried
deep inside, how will one benefit from it? It may have been forgotten for some
time but it will arise later down the road. I've learned it's better to
confront it now and learn to overcome it of deal with it later when it could
affect your life later. And later won't work out if it's a time when you're
working in your career or when you have a family. It will be forgotten and may
not be able to figure out why certain things make you act the way you do and
that could ruin anything. College has such a strong support system, why not face
the challenges you can and take advantage of all education can give you? There
are things as tutors, groups, counselors, healthcare, and I'm sure there are
more things that I don't know about. That's your job to figure out what tailors
to your situation. Not everyone is alike, that's for sure. Try to better
yourself now if you can so that your future will look much brighter. You'll
also learn how to deal with tough situations better when the present
themselves. Basically the passion class is pretty much going to be all about
you and finding out who you really are. I think that is so awesome to have a
class that focus' on you because I guarantee you won't find that in a job or
anywhere else. Take advantage of it NOW. It's OK to be afraid, you're not
alone.
