Passion

I am passionate about many things: My family and friends, American Sign Language, Astronomy,writing, and life in general; to always move forward.Watching this movie brought out many thoughts and feelings. I looked back and it made me rethink of the reason why I am attending school and it brought some spark back. The reason I am attending school is because the opportunity was taken from me when I was 17 years old by my mom. I made many mistakes because if all the rebelling I did and ended up getting dropped from school. The only way for me to go back was for my mom to fill out paperwork that was given to me and which she had all the answers to. When I asked her, she refused to and said what would the point be? So from that point, I started looking for jobs. As the result of all my rebelling, I was a single mother who raised her son for about eleven years on my own. The journey for me to get to this point has been a wild and crazy one. It has also reminded me why I won't give up. Every time I do feel like giving up, I think about the hard life I lived along with my kids and it puts me back in place.

I think of myself as a shy person, others think different. The feelings I get when I'm in school, makes me close up and I automatically think I'm stupid because kids in high school are mean and. It seemed like almost everyone hated me back then and I never knew why. When an instructor were to ask me a question in front of the class, I blank out and my answer is "I dunno" because I don't want to hear the laughter from others if my answer is wrong. And I think the rejection I received from my mom intensified it. I'm currently trying to figure out a way for me to overcome this and have I had good conversations with some instructors on this; I continue to try. I am learning through my instructors and friends I have made that I am not stupid and is helping me overcome this.

Many times through this movie, I felt like crying but retained myself from doing so because when it starts, there's no stopping it. People who can make a movie about their hardships through college are awesome role models to let the people watching that their not the only ones who feel what they are feeling. Different strategies to help make the experience a not so terrible one. There are people who want to help, Chabot is a safe environment to be in. Many of the things that was being said, I could relate to because I'm going through it now or have been through. I too, am trying to figure things out about myself and remembering as I go; for example the things that I did like or want to become when I was younger. I am going after what I am passionate about and not letting people who don't understand why get in the way because the fact it may or may not pay a lot of money. I always believed that one should do what makes one happy and not for someone else or what makes the most money.

I will continue to learn about myself and won't give up because I was an unhappy person for a long enough time to know I don't want to ever live like that again.This all changed when I started to live for myself and not others because at the end of the day it's me that takes care of me, not anyone else; it's me that has the thoughts and feelings, not anyone else; And it's me living my life, not anyone else. For this reason, it gives me the reassurance that it's OK to make mistakes or fail. Somewhere in all of this, I hid who I truly am. I felt that if I were to be myself and have the truckers mouth that I do, an instructor or student would read a paper of mine and think that I didn't really write that. I learned that hiding myself doesn't make me a happy person. I didn't realize it until last week in class while in groups, I playfully and accidentally called someone a bitch and apologized. She laughed and said it was OK but I was too busy thinking: I can't believe I said that because parts of the "real" me is coming. I must say, it did feel good! There was something that made me feel comfortable around her.

I have made a few relationships with people in these last three semesters, including instructors. These people all have made an impact on my life and I am thankful to have met them. I never thought instructors would want to know and help you if you let them, especially with all the students they have. They are great resources and can be great mentors, not to mention great friends because they do want you to succeed and give you encouragement and reassurance to be you. It's important to me because I value their opinions.They have become my support system and I will be sad to not see them as often as I do when I transfer in the Spring.

Words from the heart that can't be spoken